Duh

So you know how sometimes you can know something, as in know that it is factually true, but yet somehow it just doesn't sink in until way later?  And then when you finally see it you're like, "well duh"?  Yeah.  That totally happened.  I found myself feeling a little bit jealous of the success that one of the people I follow was having.  Then I went about catching up on her here: http://healthiermediaries.blogspot.com/2011/04/crazy-week.html and going, "Oh.  Oh, I see.  The difference is, she freaks out about one instance of crispy vs. grilled chicken, whereas I have spent all week thinking I should get pats on the back for having replace two or three fast food meals with home-cooked meals.  Oh I see how that would explain it.  Duh."  Yeah...Hard Edged and Foxy Lady don't just look good together, they have a cause-and-effect relationship.  I can't be a Foxy Lady until I learn how to be Hard Edged.  They're together on my hands because that's the truth of the matter - you can't have one without the other because it's a dependent relationship.  Yeah.  That is totally true.  I knew that...I just for some reason didn't KNOW that...or didn't want to.  Or something.  But I do now.  Duh.  I'm gonna have to work a lot harder if I want results like hers.  Gonna have to get behind that idea if I want to go anywhere.

Hope your I.Q.'s haven't taken any such beating,
JadeAmber

So Far and A Funny

So far today has been meh.  I had a healthy breakfast (two eggs scrambled with toast, and a half-pb&j sandwich) but then, due to extreme classroom boredom, I then had a bag of veggie chips and a bag of peanut m&m's and a vitamin water.  And right now I'm hungry but I won't be able to eat until I finish helping a friend with a paper.  I did not do a workout because I am SO SORE.  But it's a good sore.  It's jogged-a-14-minute-mile-yesterday sore.  I am wootacious.

So, last time I was at Shakespeare an old guy saw me running and told me I was "looking good" (as in good form, I'm sure, because I'm yet more sure that I did NOT just get hit on by an old man).  So that was nice.  It gave me the warm fuzzies.  It was, in fact, the second time that a stranger had tried to encourage me on my jogging efforts.  Unfortunately the first time the dude (a very attractive shirtless man, of course) said something that was both encouraging and funny, and it caught me off guard, and I had really been pushing myself and so my lungs were all hurt-y and mucus-y and in response to his kind words I smiled and a couple strings of spit totally flew out of my mouth.  His face was like "good job, random struggling fat girl!" and then a second later it was like "eeeeeeeeew..."

Good times.

Hoping you're all doing great,
JadeAmber

My Up-And-Down Day

Today started with waking up late.  Usually that makes me want to just say "screw it, whatever, I already messed up."  I came close to that, but I pulled back from the edge.  (yay, me!)  I ate about 1/3 cup applesauce and then did 3 sets of 10, with 8-lb dumbbells, the following: curls, military press, tricep extensions, shoulder lifts, lat pulls, oblique dips, flys, tricep kickbacks, bench press, military bench press, and sit ups.  That's right, son!  I am awesome.

Then I ate a plate of spaghetti with sauce and light ranch and breaded chicken (breaded with flaxseed, thank you very much, and baked, not fried!). 

Then I did bad.  I had three Krispy Kreme doughnuts.  And they were delicious.

Then I did good!  I felt stupid for having the doughnuts and decided I was going to use the sugar high, so I went for a jog around my sister’s house and…I totally jogged a whole mile!  It was totally wootacious!  And also, it hurt!

Then I had a big, delicious bowl of ziti with alfredo sauce and homemade turkey meatballs (yummy!) with a glass of some kind of flavored water stuff (think Walmart’s answer to Crystal Light…I don’t know, it’s what my sister had) which was tasty too.

Then I had one of those kiddie juice things where you stick the straw in, and then I really started to suck at life...Wendy's, jr. cheeseburger, jr. bacon cheeseburger, jr. frosty, then I came home and ate a big plate of spaghetti and breaded chicken.

So today was part Non-Scale victory, part I suck at life.  *sigh*...gonna try again tomorrow.

Good luck to you all,
JadeAmber

Yay, me!

Non-Scale Victory: I jogged farther than ever before today!  It was 3/4 of a mile.  And it was awesome!  I recently had an "ah-ha!" moment on proper breathing during a jog and wow, it made a lot of difference!  Now I just have to remember that and not eat crap today, thereby making it meaningless.  But I feel good right now! 

I'm going to post what I did for a workout every day this week.  The 3/4 mile was part of 4 miles I did today (that's going around Shakespeare Park twice).  Maybe I'll post what I ate every day too...yeah, right now that sounds like a good idea. 

Good luck to you all,
JadeAmber

Hard Edged/Foxy Lady

This week I decided to let my sister decide my color.  I told her that I was pretty sure that if I picked, the decision would involve a lot of rationalization and it would just be good to have the color handed to me, like an assignment.  She chose to give me two colors, Hard Edged (a very dark, almost brown purple) and Foxy Lady (an orangy rust color) and told me to alternate fingers.  She said, "you need to be more hard edged, and then you'll be closer to being a foxy lady".  lol.  So that's my assignment for the week!

I'm going to try to post something every day this week, and see if that helps me stay on track. 

Good luck to you all,
JadeAmber

Week 4 Results

Weight: 249.6
Gain: 3.4
Biggest Loser Style: +1.38%
Remaining: 89.6
New NWA: 2.56

Wow, this is getting old. 

I have no excuse for this week.  I just did bad.  I even continued to do bad the rest of the weekend, after I speechified about how I was gonna do better.  It seems like all I do is talk about how I'm about to do better.

I'm not going to do any speechifying today.  I did bad this week.  I hope I can do better from now on.

Good luck to you all,
JadeAmber

All Downhill From Here

Phew!  The school week is now over.  The bulk of the homework is done.  There's more to do, but there's all weekend to do it.  It's safe to say that most of the horror is over.  I have used being extremely busy as an excuse to eat crap all week, and now that I'm not extremely busy anymore I'm going to put a screeching halt on all the crap.  To signify this, I will now report on all the crap I've eaten so far this week and promise that when I report on all that I've eaten from this moment to Saturday night, it will be a very different list!

Sunday
1. handful of mixed nuts.  2. wendy's: small chili, half apple chicken salad, and a chocolate chip cookie dough frosty thing.  3. wendy's: spicy breaded chicken bacon ranch sandwich and a huge vitamin water.  4. a bunch of fresh, delicious pineapple and a big plateful of hamburger helper.

Monday
1 a can of soup and a slice of bread.  2. a can of soup and a handful of triscuits.  3. panera: the you pick two special with broccoli cheddar soup, a half fuji apple chicken salad and the whole wheat baguette.

Tuesday
1. bowl of rice and beans and a cinnamon sugar pop tart.  2. a snicker's bar.  3.  CHINESE BUFFET - EPIC FAIL!  4. a bag of doritos and a vitamin water.

Wednesday
1. arby's: ham egg cheese breakfast sourdough, to which I added lettuce, tomato, mayo, and bacon (epic fail) and a bacon egg cheese burrito thingy and a big 4 coffee with 4 each cream and sugar.  2. handful of mixed nuts and a dr. pepper.  3. arby's: all-american roast burger combo with dr. pepper and a cup of their red ranch stuff.

Thursday
1. mcdonald's: breakfast burrito, bacon egg cheese mcgriddle, big coffee with 4 each cream and sugar.  2. wendy's: two junior bacon cheeseburgers, a double stack, and a chocolate milk.  3. a vitamin water.

Like I said, I've eaten nothing but crap, all week long.  I feel like crap, too.

Next update is going to be very, very different!  And also...in the middle of writing this I took a 1.75 mile walk!  Yay!!!

Good luck to you all,
JadeAmber

A Mid-Week Update

Okay, so this week's goals were to write down everything I eat and do do my homework.  So far, I have written down everything I ate.  It's all been crap.  And I have done a lot of homework.  There's still plenty to do, but I'm pretty much vaguely on track now.  At this point, however, I am expecting no loss for this week.  But hey, maybe Friday and Saturday I can take a chunk out of the damage... but so far, there has been a lot of staying up late and eating junk and drinking coffee and pop.  So, we'll see I guess.  But at the moment I'm just happy to be pretty much vaguely on track with the homework.

Good luck to you all,
JadeAmber

A-List

This week's color is a light, metallic, silvery blue called "A-List".  For now, I will simply say that it is there to remind me of one of my goals for this week, which is to DO MY FREAKIN' HOMEWORK!!!  I have said before what a terrible procrastinator I am, but to tell the truth...I have a 4.0 right now, in my second to last semester.  I do procrastinate, but it ends up being positive reinforcement when I end up the curvebuster (again!) anyway.  I've realized that it's one of the main sources of my self-esteem (sad, yeah, I know).  Anyway, this semester has been the procrastinator of procrastinators, and I'm starting to think I'm like one of those thrill-seekers who gets closer and closer to something that they're just not likely to survive.  I'm all like, "look!  I made an A on this 10-page paper even though I wrote it in the three hours just before it was due!  That was AWESOME!"  And I have to admit, it is pretty awesome.  But someday (I don't think it's today, but it's coming) I'll wait too long, and I won't get an A.  It's a highly insecure way of finding my limits.  So of course I want to keep pushing to new heights (can I write a 10-page A paper in two hours?!?  It's so tempting...!)  but I really, really, really shouldn't.  No.  I shouldn't.  It's not healthy.  I'm sure.  I mean I've been told.  And I'm sure they're right and I'm wrong, I mean who has the 4.0 after a-  oh, crap, that's me.  *sigh* oh what a circular reasoning we weave...but seriously, this week, I really have to do my homework.  I forgot why, but the nailpolish will remind me.  To do my homework.  Yeah.

Good luck to you all,
JadeAmber

Week 3 Results

Weight: 246.2
Loss: 1.8
Biggest Loser Style: 0.73%
Remaining: 86.2
New NWA: 2.394

Week Three was pretty shaky for the first half.  Once I got in touch with my inner jungle cat, things got a lot better.  :-)  This week I have two goals: to write down everything I eat and to stay on top of my homework.  I know homework doesn't have anything to do with weight loss directly, but it has a lot to do with how I feel about myself, which always affects how I eat because I use terrible food both as an emotional crutch and as a way to punish myself.  (I know, I'm such a joy.)  So hopefully this week will be about accountability.  I'm dreading it a little, but it really, really needs to happen.  So...deep breath, jungle cat roar, and off we go!

Good luck to you all,
JadeAmber

Killing Something

This jaguar has prey, baby!

My dad is also fat, and we have entered into a "friendly" competition!  First to lose 25 pounds wins!  Dad has a lot of willpower but unfortunately for him, I am a jungle cat, so I hope he's ready to LOSE!

Good luck to you all,
JadeAmber

Jaguar

This week's color is a slightly shimmery light gold color called Jaguar.  I gotta say...I haven't embodied it at all so far this week.  A jaguar is a fierce animal, strong and fast and intimidating.  I have been no such thing.  BUT, whereas I would usually say in a dejected hopeless voice "there's always next week", I shall now say, "there's always today!"  I'm turning it around right now.  No use giving up and stuffing myself with fat and sugar and self loathing when I can just jump back up and keep going!  Jaguars don't weep and eat crap, they go kill something!  Rwaaaar!!!

Good hunting to you all,
JadeAmber

Week 2 Results

Weigh In: 248.0
Gain: 3.2
Biggest Loser Style: +1.31%
Remaining: 88
New NWA: 2.378

Week Two is always hell.  And this time, my monthly friend decided to crash the party.  And, it's coming up on the end of the semester and I've got a buttload of homework I procrastinated on.  So all in all...I'm actually relieved to see only 3.2 pounds gained.  Usually on a Week Two I gain back everything I lost in week one.  And usually, after that happens, I give up for a few weeks until I hate myself enough to make myself start again, a new Week One, and everything just happens all over again. 

That's not what's going to happen this time.

I'm entering new territory tomorrow: Week Three.  I'm going to accept that I fell but intsead of lying there crying and hating myself, I'm going to try something new: I'm just gonna get up and keep moving.  Simple, I know.  But harder to do than say.  Wish me luck!

Good luck to you all,
JadeAmber

Shakespeare and Morimoto

I've been watching Iron Chef and it's so interesting to see all the wierd ingredients and cooking methods, but what I am overwhelmingly impressed with is the fact that most of the things they use are, like, real food.  I'm sure you know what I mean.  For someone who's used to McDonald's and Hamburger Helper, this all looks amazing.  There's no way in hell I could do most of what they do, but there's plenty of ways (in and out of hell, haha) that I could obtain most of the things they use, because they're fruits and vegetables and stuff.  It gives me a new appreciation for real food.  It really makes me want to cook!

I finally worked out for the first time this week.  There's a park here, called Shakespeare Park, which is something like 2.3 or 2.4 miles long (I'm not really sure) but anyway, 6 weeks ago the fastest I could do it was 43 minutes.  I got it down to 39 minutes about 3 weeks ago, and today...37!  Yay, improvement!  So that's my Non-Scale Victory for today. 

Prayer and focus and this week's episode of Biggest Loser and Iron Chef have all combined to help me get most of the way out of my self-pity hole that is Week Two.  However...that time of the month is upon me.  Which means that all bets are off for this week's weigh in.  It's a little...I dunno...frustrating? wierd? disappointing? to start to do so much better and then have this guarantee that this weigh in will be bad.  Oh well.  Such is that time of the month.  But you know what I'm NOT gonna do?  Give up!  That's right folks, I'm here to stay.  Good weigh in, bad weigh in, fails, victories, whatever, I'm just gonna keep going.  And Christmas is going to bow to me!

Good luck to you all!
-JadeAmber

Get It Together

Holy crap, my life has no structure! 

I need to get my act together.  I spend so much time just wasting time.  Meanwhile dishes pile up, I don't work out, I don't do homework...are The Antonio Treatment and The Pretender and Burn Notice all really that important? 

I am irrationally worried that if I put myself on a schedule I'll somehow never have fun again.  That doesn't make any sense, but I can't see that.  I don't even know how that would work I just know that's what I'm afraid of.  I don't even know what I'm trying to accomplish by writing about it, I just am.  I'm frustrated.  I don't want to always be behind, but I don't know how to start fixing it. 

I have three group projects and two twenty-page papers all due at various points this month.  I've probably done 1% of the work.  My kitchen is a mess.  So's my bathroom.  I haven't worked out this week.  For shizzle, that's messed up.  It's so messed up I felt the need to say "for shizzle". 

Hope you're all more productive than me,
JadeAmber

Celestial

This week's color is a slightly dark sort of primary blue called "Celestial".  There's one clear meaning I'm getting out of this one: remember God this week!  Most times I try to lose weight I am okay for the first week but the second week all my self-stoppers come into play.  "You did well, time for a break".  "You did well, now there's pressure to do that well again, you can't take it!"  "Last week wasn't spectacularly perfect which means you're a failure, which means you should just not even try".  I could go on, but I'm sure most of you know exactly what I'm talking about.

Even now I'm full of chocolate and burritos.  Why?  Because I have the added excuse-factory of piles and piles of homework.  I procrastinated, as usual, and now I feel overwhelmed.  My solution was eating.  That was the wrong choice, and I'm glad I made myself admit to it because now I feel like maybe I can get past it tonight, right now.  But what always, always works, when I need to stop and turn around, is prayer.  I know not everyone understands and I'm not going to get preachy, I'm just explaining why I need this color this week.  Week Two is the week I usually give up and fade out.  I need a lot of strength this week.  I didn't pray at all today and it didn't go very well.  (Hear that me?  The colors are no good if you don't listen!  lol)  So now I'm going to do that, and try to focus on studying instead of chocolate and burritos. 

I had a goal of doing another six pounds this week.  You can predict when I'm going to sabatoge myself; it's usually when I tried to make a goal for myself.  Sure enough, like clockwork, today happened.  It's me trying to let me off the hook.  "There's no way you can lose six pounds now, not after today, game's over, go home everybody".  But if I let myself off the hook then I will have reinforced that sabatoging behavior (like I always have) so I'm not going to do that this time.  I hereby STILL have the goal for myself of losing another six pounds this week.  I'll be okay if I don't meet that goal.  I'll be okay because that's what I've decided and I'll still love myself.  So with constant prayer I know tomorrow and the rest of the week I'm going to really impress myself with my new levels of self-control.

Good luck to you all,
JadeAmber

Week 1 Results

Weigh In: 244.8
Loss: 6.0
Biggest Loser Style: 2.39%
Remaining: 84.8
New NWA: 2.232

Week One went pretty well!  I fell off more and more as it went on, but I still stayed within fairly reasonable bounds.  All in all, I am excited about six pounds and I'm looking forward to six more this week!

Good luck to you all!
-JadeAmber